Abortion should NEVER be an Option

October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month. The most heart wrenching statistic when it comes to babies with Down Syndrome is the abortion rate.  About 92% of pregnancies in Europe with a diagnosis of Down syndrome are terminated. In the United States, termination rates are around 67%, but this varies significantly depending upon the population evaluated.

The perception of what it will be like to raise a child with Down Syndrome has to be changed!!! 

I wish someone would have walked in my room with balloons and confetti the day she was born and said, “Congrats on the birth of an amazing little girl!!” She will take you to places you have never dreamed, introduce you to people you never would have met, and teach you things only few get to learn!!

  

My girl is only 5 years old and I stand in amazement at the things she has accomplished and the lives she has touched along the way!!

Anyone who knows us knows that we have been blessed to be a part of the awesome organization Ainsley’s Angels. Karsyn participates in races all over!! If you have a child with a disability, I urge you to contact them!! They have added so many blessings to our life!!

This last weekend was the Ethel Precht Breast Cancer Walk. Karsyn’s Grandmother was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and thanks to Ainsley’s Angels she was able to participate alongside of us! This race was close to our hearts.

As we were walking up to the race, the Principal from Karsyn’s school came over to speak to her!! We are blessed to be part of a school where they not only know her name but truly care about her! I don’t take that for granted.

A few minutes later someone tapped me on the shoulder. It was Karsyn’s first PT. She started seeing Karsyn when she was 3 months old, but we haven’t seen her in years. I was so touched that she went out of her way to come say Hello to Karsyn.

While we were waiting to start the race another person came over and put her arm around me. I turned to see a young St. Louis Saints Cheerleader! She came over to say Hello to Karsyn. She is the daughter of Karsyn’s first Speech Therapist.

I left that race with a renewed awareness of how awesome it is to have a daughter with Down Syndrome.

Yes, they told me that Karsyn would be delayed and would need extra help in certain areas. She would need OT, PT and speech. She would be part of a Special Education program at her school. She would be part of “Special” organizations that would cater to her needs.

As a new Mom that is all pretty depressing!!

I wish they would have told me that because she will need these things, God is about to bless your life in an AMAZING way.

God will send Karsyn the very best therapists!! Not only will they be exactly who Karsyn needs but they will also be exactly who you need!!

Karsyn will need a Special Education teacher to help her learn but don’t worry that teacher will love her more than you ever thought possible and she will be there for you even on your craziest days!!

Karsyn will be a part of some “special” organizations, but this will be the greatest journey of your life!! You will meet strangers who will become like family! You will travel to places you never would have gone, and have the privilege of meeting some incredible people!!

There is no need to be depressed!!!

Down Syndrome is the coolest, most exciting journey you have ever been on!

That little girl is going to change everything about you. She will teach you to never give up, to try new things, to love people for who they are, to never settle for less than the best, to keep a positive outlook….things could always be worse, to celebrate every accomplishment along the way whether big or small. You were born to change lives-don’t ever waste that!   It’s ok to fail but always keep trying!!

I really don’t have the time or space to write everything that she has taught me!!

Did I mention she is only 5??

  

If you are a new mom and you have been blessed with this same amazing gift!  Embrace it!!  Don’t you dare have a negative outlook on the future for you and your sweet baby!! Love that baby with every fiber that’s in you!

He or She is the single greatest gift you will ever receive!!

Everyone You Meet In Life Has A Story

I just had an amazing weekend doing things I NEVER thought I would be doing. I think sometimes it’s good to share your story. So I’m going to try and make a very long story short, and tell you what led me to the place I am at today.

It’s been almost 5 years, but seems like just yesterday. There comes a time in your life when you get tired of just doing the same thing over and over. You want your life to have a significant purpose. Matt and I were both at that place. He was on a Missions trip to the Dominican Republic helping to build a church and I was home with our five kids and one on the way. I remember lying in bed with this burning desire in my heart, begging God to send us somewhere to do something big for Him. Matt came home with a love and desire for God that I had never seen before. We both knew that God was calling us to DO something. So we surrendered to Him, we put our newly built house up for sale and planned to leave for missionary training school two months after our 6th baby was to be born. We had plans to do something GREAT for God!! Surely this is what God wanted for us, BUT God had other plans. Instead of giving us the baby that would fit into our plans, He gave us Karsyn. He took our world and all the plans we made and turned them upside down. Those were some very dark days. We were trying to sort out what this meant for our family.  We sold our house a few months after Karsyn was born. We were still in the dark as to what God was up to!! I’m not going to tell you that my faith was strong and I walked with God every step of the way. I cried, I questioned, and I doubted everything!!! I even became bitter at times that He wasn’t going along with our plans.

Now I have a baby with a disability and my beautiful home is gone. Not exactly the way I had dreamed it!! Karsyn would need lots of therapy!!! I was overwhelmed and a little obsessed with trying to get every kind of therapy I thought she needed. She was seeing OT, PT and Speech through Early Steps, and I was taking her to private OT and PT. It was very expensive and exhausting!!! When you are handed a baby with a diagnosis you know nothing about you just want to make sure you are doing everything you can to give her what she needs to succeed!! The first few years were tough emotionally, physically and financially.

 

God has sent SO many people to us. Therapists and Teachers who choose to love us both!! I can totally understand why they would love my sweet girl, but why they love her crazy Mama too is definitely a God thing!! Just like all the therapists and teachers before God continues to faithfully send us someone to love us both!!! Her teacher has been VERY patient with me and has fallen in love with my girl!!!!

 

I love to look back and see God’s hand in our life.

 

One year after we sold our house the people we sold it to, sold it back to us!! Sounds crazy???!! It’s true!!! How often does that happen?? Definitely a God thing!!

 

Out of nowhere, God put a desire to Run in my heart. I had never ran a day in my life!!! I was athletic and played sports but running was not one of the sports I loved!!

 

I knew Michelle, Karysn’s Speech Therapist, was a runner so one day I mentioned to her I was thinking about running a 5K. From that simple conversation God opened up a whole new world. Every day we are both AMAZED at what has come of it.

 

First, she has become one of the dearest friends in my life. She lit a fire that had gone out in me. I remember one of our first runs she said God wants you to do this. I called Matt on my way home and told him. He pretty much thought I was crazy.

 

Two years later….He does not think I’m crazy anymore!!! Only God could have taken that desire and turned it into what it has become!!

 

We were introduced to Ainsley’s Angels a little over a year ago. What an awesome ministry of lending your legs to those in need. I can’t count the people we have been able to share God’s love with because of running.

 

God put another desire in my heart….Triathlons!! My plan was for Karysn and I to do them together!!! I contacted AA and asked if this would be possible. In true AA fashion they said of course and made it happen. They purchased all the equipment! We were all set!! All we had to do was wait for the Tri season to start!!

 

In the meantime they sent us on an unforgettable trip to Holland, MA. It was in Holland where our friendship began with the Warner family. Lanie Warner touched my heart and left a lasting impression on me.

 

So it’s time for Karysn and I to start training for our first triathlon together!! I was pumped!!! BUT once again God looked at our plans and laughed!!! Karsyn who loved the water all of the sudden wants nothing to do with it!! NOTHING!!! So, what do we do? AA already bought all this equipment we can’t just forget about it!! God reminded me of that sweet girl I met in Holland!! So I sent her Mom a message asking if she would be interested in taking Karsyn’s place?? I think she was a little hesitant but decided to give it a try!! It was a HUGE success!!! Lanie rocked it!!!

 

So, is that it?? We just do that one Tri and call it a day??? No way!! AA willingly expanded their organization and added a Tri division. I have no idea why they chose me but I am blessed to be the Tri coordinator. In just four months we have grown from one captain to four in our AASWLA chapter. Our South Texas chapter now has a Tri team. ( I’d like to think we inspired that!!) AND our Mississippi Chapter will soon join us!! (I hope anyway haha)

 

God works in mysterious ways!!!

 

Karsyn didn’t mess up the plan. She is THE PLAN!!!! Wow, God sure writes a better story than I could ever write on my own!!! What a gift!!!

 

God can take ordinary people and do extraordinary things!!!

 

I could not have planned this!!! His ways are higher than ours!!

 

I can’t wait to see what else He has in store!! This is an incredible journey!!!!!!

 

 

My Trip to Holland

I guess you could say that our trip to Holland started four years ago today, the day Karsyn Angel Lynn Caldwell was born! We started off that day with excitement! We knew this would be our last trip so we were taking it all in! I remember walking hand in hand down the long hall of labor and delivery; we had taken this walk five times before! We were so blessed to get to experience the joy of bringing a new life into this world 6 times over! The thought that this day would be any different never entered our minds, but the day did not go as we had planned. Shortly after Karsyn was born the doctor delivered the news that she had Down Syndrome; the first thing we did as a family was pray.

 

 

My Dad prayed a beautiful prayer thanking God for our new beautiful baby girl! There’s no doubt that his presence was there with us! We weren’t angry that our trip had taken a detour!   Scared, confused, and heartbroken would best describe our feelings! We knew that God had a plan for our family! Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

 

When Karsyn was a year old my friend, Melanie, gave me a book to read “Roadmap to Holland” and the essay “Welcome to Holland” by Emily Perl Kingsley (http://www.our-kids.org/archives/Holland.html)
“I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It’s like this……

When you’re going to have a baby, it’s like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It’s all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, “Welcome to Holland.”

“Holland?!?” you say. “What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

But there’s been a change in the flight plan. They’ve landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven’t taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It’s just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It’s just a different place. It’s slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you’ve been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they’re all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.”

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.” c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

Last year, we were introduced to an awesome organization, Ainsley’s Angels (Ainsleysangels.org). They have become a part of our family. We have participated in many local races with them! Thanks to this organization I not only get to run, but I get to run with my sweet girl!!! A few weeks ago, our new family, Ainsley’s Angels sent us on another trip, a trip to Holland!!!

Let me tell you about my recent trip to Holland!

This was a trip of a lifetime, I know that it’s one of those trips that I’ll look back on and say, “Did we really get to do that?” We were given the opportunity to go to Dick and Rick Hoyt’s hometown of Holland, Massachusetts and run a 5K alongside 100 other assisted athletes. The atmosphere of this race cannot be matched anywhere. From the start of the race until I crossed the finish line, I could not stop smiling! I’m still smiling! It was incredible!

 

Can you imagine running alongside so many awesome athletes?

 One Captain left a lasting impression on me. He worked so hard to get up those hills! His hard work and determination changed me! You are my hero Captain Andrew!

 

Spending the weekend with such amazing people was life changing. Dick and Rick Hoyt, Rooster, Lori and Ainsley Rossiter are as special as they come! It is one thing to make a dream for your child a reality but it’s another thing to choose to share that dream with others! Thank you for breaking down the barriers and allowing us to join you along the way!

I left Holland a better person than when I arrived! Holland is a beautiful place to visit! The rolling hills remind me of the Holland where most of us live! We have our ups and downs but I wouldn’t trade this beautiful journey! My new friend Tara said “I will learn to love it here”. She has been here for much longer than I have and I know she is right! I’ve only been here for four years and my heart is overflowing!

Thank you to the Hoyts, Rossiters, and Ainsley’s Angels for our unforgettable trip to Holland!

Thank you to my beautiful birthday girl Karsyn Angel Lynn Caldwell!

You have changed me more in the past four years than my 30 years before that! You have given me a heart to love people who are different! You have given me the courage to leave my comfort zone behind! You have taught me that it’s okay to try and fail but I must keep trying!

Your smile, your hugs, your kisses and the beautiful way you say Mama melts my heart and brightens my day! You spread sunshine wherever you go! (Mrs. Michelle has nicknamed you “Sunshine” and I love it!) You are SUNSHINE for so many people! I’m so blessed that God chose me to be your Mom! Thank you for taking me on such a fun journey!

Dig Deep and Keep Running

As a little girl I dreamt about what my life would be like when I grew up. I remember playing this game called M.A.S.H. 

Here’s how to play:  

You get a piece of paper and choose your categories. 

Basic M.A.S.H. consists of only four categories:

M.A.S.H. (Mansion, Apartment, Shack, House)

People to Marry

Number of Kids

Type of Car

You write down four options under each category, then you choose your number and eventually you eliminate all but one under each category.

And there you have it, everything you need to know about your future.

Am I the only kid who played this game??

The sad thing is under each category was the best of the best. Unrealistic!! You grow up thinking that your life will only be “perfect” if you can somehow manage to end up with all these things.  Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with having nice things!  Someone once told me, “Don’t apologize for the blessings of God in your life.”  God is so good and He gives way more than we deserve, there’s no doubt about that. What happens when the “perfect” life turns out different than you dreamt??

You know what I’ve found out? Different is SCARY!!!

We were devastated when minutes after Karsyn was born the doctor told us that he suspected she has Down Syndrome.  My mind immediately went back to a few weeks earlier when I looked at my precious family and said “Look, Matt how beautiful they all are, just one more and our family will be perfectly complete.”  I can promise you my idea of perfect was not for our baby to have Down Syndrome. I can’t explain to you the overwhelming feeling of grief.  The dreams that we walked in with that day changed in a moment.  We were thrown into a whole new world full of unknowns!!

I know I never wrote down on that piece of paper that I wanted a child with special needs. I’m not sure anyone wishes that for themselves.

Why is different so scary??  It shouldn’t be!!!

I think different is better!

I’ve said hundreds of times in the past 3 years, “Karsyn has changed our family for the better!!” Our family would not be perfect without her!!  She is the most amazing little girl you will ever meet!  I promise if you are blessed enough to have her in your life you will agree that she makes it better! 

I know you are probably asking yourself, “What does this have to do with running?”  

I’m glad you asked!!

Because of Karsyn, we have been introduced to so many people and opportunities that we would never have known existed.  Recently, we were introduced to an incredible organization called Ainsley’s Angels.  The “Angels” (runners) push the “Captains” (individuals with disabilities) in local races.  What a great experience to run alongside these amazing people!!!  It’s life changing!!  So far Karsyn has run in 2 races, we love it!!!  She is my INSPIRATION.  She has to work so hard to do so many things we take for granted, yet she never quits and never complains!!  I have decided to start running with the same attitude that she lives every day. 

This past Saturday we ran the Contraband 5-miler. I loved that I was able to run with Karsyn, but I was very disappointed in myself.  I’ve been running for 5 months, and I’m really not getting any better.  

After the race I asked my friend Michelle, “Why am I not getting better??”  I seriously think Michelle missed her calling in life (not really she rocks at her job) but she is also a great motivator.  She always says something that helps me, and probably more than she ever intended.  So let me share her response to my question, “You know why?  It’s partly because you let yourself quit too easy, and partly because you haven’t learned to hurt.  Running is hard, it’s nothing but your brain, heart, legs and lungs fighting with the pavement.  There’s no back up; no one to tag team, no one to get your back, no way to coast and catch your breath. It’s just you and your inner demons vs. your inner drive.  Running reveals what you’re made of like no other sport because you are all you have to rely on.  If you want to get better, you have to dig deep inside and see what’s there. It’s the same amazing woman who bore and is raising 6 amazing kids. It’s in there YOU JUST WON’T LET IT OUT!!!!!  Your constant use of the words “I CAN’T” is the core of your struggle. Change that and everything else will fall in place.”

Okay, so I’m taking her words of wisdom and I’m using my sweet little girl as all the inspiration and example I need.  I CAN do this!!!!  I CAN get better!!

Spiritual Application:

Life is never easy!!!  We all have times in our life where we have to dig deep and see what we are made of.  We can overcome anything that comes our way.

1 John 4:4: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world.  

God will use trials in our lives to make us stronger!!  

“It takes us experiencing the hurt and feeling the pain to realize who we are and how strong God is!!”